Longing for THAT kind of LOVE

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave… Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7, NIV).

If you know anything about me, you know I am a hopeful romantic… because I have hope in Jesus (get it?!) *cue awkward pity chuckle*

Anywhoo… February is the month of love! I celebrate love every February by doing something I don’t normally do. This year, I anchored myself in reading Song of Solomon, a book about love, body image, romance, sex, sensuality… yes, it’s in the Bible. And you say the Bible is boring! I chose this because it celebrates all the types of love (phileo, storge, eros, and agape) in the context of courtship and marriage.

I want to share how reading this book this month has affected me. As a single woman, Song of Solomon ignited in me a strong desire to experience love the way the lovers did– three times it is said “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (2:7, 3:5, 8:4), so I guess now I’m chilling until I can handle love haha! The book is set up, in my mind, like a play following the different stages between the lovers, from meeting, to courtship, to wedding, to first sexual encounter, and the mature married life. And each stage just left me amazed! The attention that each was giving the other, the appreciation, the sacrifice, and the love really got me.

Two parts really stood out to me, chapters 4 and 5. In the beginning of chapter 4, we meet the lovers on their wedding night! What is so beautiful is that the man, presumably Solomon, went after his wife’s heart first, not her body. In so many words, he let her know that he appreciated her, was willing to provide for her, and he professed the effects she had on him! His words drew her in. And they weren’t shallow words just to get it in. Her response? She surrendered willingly to him– so, guys, take note. And we can imagine their first night together as husband and wife was awesome. There’s this awesome part between chapters 4 &5 where the woman started off saying her sexuality is hers and in the end he says that it’s his, showing belonging! Later on in chapter 5, after the couple had their first fight, the woman was thinking about her him, and something lit up in her to recognize her wrong, but to also appreciate her man! She sought reconciliation and it was given, and not begrudgingly.

All this is great and all, but beyond this desire to experience life, love, and everything in between with my own husband, I have a desire to know Jesus more! I want to pour my affections on Him! Throughout the course of the book, the woman expressed her longing just to be in her lover’s presence. She wanted to be near him because she was secure in his love for her! And I’m like, Jesus, please help me to desire YOU more than I desire a husband! In chapter 3 she repeated “the one my heart loves” three times! I want to love Jesus. I want to love His presence! I want to love His character! I want to love who He is! That won’t happen if I don’t know Him! After spending so much time in this book, I am realizing that, more and more, I can’t love Him if I don’t know Him. I can’t search for Him if I don’t know Him! I cannot live for His love and presence if I don’t know Him! So, Father, help me to know you more! I want to live my life, single or married, knowing the one that my heart loves! I think this is the greater point of Song of Solomon.

Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to have that kind of love, one where I am secure in my husband’s love for me, one where I can experience sexual love with God’s approval, one where I can fight with my husband and be quick to forgive… but none of that will matter if I am not first and foremost secure in His love for me– He loved from the beginning, and eternity is a long time to continue to bask in THAT LOVE!

I have loved spending time reading Song of Solomon. I feel more free to surrender my singleness to Jesus, knowing that I am secure in His hands. While I am waiting for my earthly husband, I will continue to get to know my heavenly One!

Are You Good?

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22, NIV).

Solomon may have been a womanizer, but this particular verse really hit the nail on the head. Ladies, do you know you are a good thing? Do you know that you are the embodiment of favor?

When I was thinking about what to write today (at 12 am, mind you), this verse came to my mind– it is popular, but I am never sure where it is exactly; but thank God for the Holy Spirit for directing to the correct passage! I read this verse and it dawned on me that I am a good thing and I bring favor to my husband. That’s pretty awesome!

Some of you may say, “But you’re not good. Even Jesus questioned someone calling Him good in Luke 18:19.” And I will say you’re right. In and of myself, in my own human nature, I am not good; far from it, even. But, because I am in Christ and He is in me, because God Himself lives in me through the Holy Spirit, dare I say that I am indeed good?

I looked at the verse in different versions to see how “good thing” was translated. For the most part it remained “good thing”, but NLT used “a treasure”, and NET used “enjoyable”.  So, ladies, know today that you are a good thing, but only through the grace and power of Jesus Christ.

To be a good thing, you need to look at the life of Jesus because we know God through Him (John 14:6). What does it mean to be good? Assess yourself; compare yourself to Jesus. Do you love? Do you forgive seventy times seven times? Do you desire and allow only God’s will to be done? Are you self sacrificing? Do you teach or lead those around you in the way of the Lord? Do you obey God at all times? Are you uncompromising when it comes to the things of God?  Are you clothed in humility? Are you steadfast and persevering in suffering? Are you prayerful? How’s your faith? Do you return all glory to God or take some for yourself? Are you a servant? Are you about your Father’s business? These are just some of the things that come to mind when I look at Jesus and who He is.

Practically, too, ask yourself: can I cook? can I keep a clean house? can I pray for my husband? can I support my husband? can I submit to my husband? can I work hard? can I get up early in the morning to prepare breakfast for my family? can I serve the poor? how’s my intuition? can I respect my husband? can I raise my children in the way of the Lord?

Ladies, to be a good thing is a high calling. My question is: are you up for it? God called you a helper (Genesis 2:18) for your man. You have a high calling on your life as a servant of God, a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, and a friend.  But understand that you cannot do it on your own! It takes the grace of God and His grace is definitely sufficient for you (2nd Corinthians 12:9).

Another revelation that I got from reading this verse is the fact that you are a favor from God to your husband! You are that special gift from God! Like, what?!?! So, yeah, you’re kind of a big deal. Relish in that!

Single? Married? Spinster? You are a big deal. You are favor from God to your brothers, husbands, etc. So, whenever the devil tries to get you in a mindset that will get you down, know that you are good because God lives in you, you are a gift someone out there is waiting and praying for; you are favor, someone cherish-able, love-able, admirable.

Are you good?! I know I am!

I Don’t Feel Like It

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power” (Ephesians 6:10, NIV).

He put a ring on it!

No, I’m not engaged… yet, but God put a ring on it! The ring is symbolic of my commitment to Him; it reminds me that I am His first and always before I am my husband’s.

I wear the ring on Wednesdays because I like Wednesdays; I choose to dress up, be girly, be reminded of my commitment to God (not that I am not reminded everyday)… Today was different, though, because I didn’t feel like doing all of that; I was a bit angry with God. Praying was like pulling teeth, thanksgiving was even worse; quiet time was hard to do.

But while talking to God about why I didn’t want to do anything today, I believe God spoke to me and said: When you’re married, what would you do when you don’t feel like being a wife? I thought about it and wondered whether I would run away or give my husband the ring back. But I learned a lesson in my discourse with God: it’s not about the ring, but the person. It is not about the ring but the person.

My commitment to God should not be about a ring I put on my finger or the level of happiness I feel; it should not be about whether or not God gives me the million dollars I’ve been praying for or the 2017 Mercedes-Benz E-Class. What if I never get those things, would I say “Forget you, God”? No. The lesson: my commitment to God is not based on whether I feel like committing; it is based on His character: the steadfastness, the faithfulness, the great love, the kindness, the righteousness, the holiness, the goodness, the justice. It is always about who He is.

Bringing this to marriage, although I am not married yet, I now know that, by God’s grace, when I don’t feel like being a wife, I won’t take my ring off or stop cooking for my husband– regardless, my status as a wife won’t change based on my feelings. Being married is a commitment– love is a decision backed by action. So, I will commit and still love, respect, honor, and submit to my husband because he is God’s choice for me. I will (must) remember who he is, his character, why God chose him for me, his love for me, etc.

A lot of us don’t feel like doing a lot of things, but we want the results of those things, right? But, imagine if God deals with us based on His feelings! My friends, let us continue to commit to God regardless of our feelings– this is not to say that our feelings do not matter to God. Let us continue in our relationship with him, knowing that His strength and mighty power is at work in us; that He is indeed God. And this will extend to all our other relationships.

Waiting: Spoken (Written) Word

I told myself I’ll wait for you…
But innocence was stolen by “Uncle”,
ripped
from my tender heart.
So I gave up.
Stained.

Fast forward:
thought I had found you-
how foolish of me:
wasn’t it supposed to be reversed…
Thought his “love” was going
to cover the multitude of my sins-
but my sin became a burden too
heavy for him to bear.

So I bore myself to myself
and crashed under the weight
of my own burdened lust
that was laid up in my wicked heart-
my heart, too crushed to be revived
by fleeting moans and momentary pleasures.
Until
I saw His love crushed for me
on that wooden tree.
There, battered, was Christ,
broken for me,
under the burden of my sins.
Yet He rose again, victorious,
giving me a new slate,
burden free, without stain.

Fast forward:
I thought I had found you
again…
A baby in Christ, sipping on that milk,
I gave my old self reign,
even though I am new.
Flesh yielded to flesh,
forgetting that only He
can present me unstained
unto Himself,
but he chose to lie in sin with me,
presenting me unto himself,
unholy,
again
stained…

So I stained my heart
with hate and regret
and the shame became too
much for me
and I longed for grace
that will bring me back to Him
so I tried and I worked and I slaved
but could never really
get it right,
so I fled…
Until
Mercy found me,
crashed into me,
I was ruined,
blinded.
He showed me my end, without you,
without Him.
He removed the scales
from my eyes so I could see
the wrong in what
I thought was right!

So here I am.
With this new light in my eyes,
the clean heart inside of me
I am telling you, husband,
even though I do not know you,
I will wait for you.
I will wait to be found by you.
You are the one God made me
for and from— the man made from
the second Adam,
presented holy, to present me holy to Him.
You have the perfect combination
given only by Him who kept me, hidden,
from me, for you,
to unlock the deepest crevices of my heart.
You know what it means to
love me with the love of Christ,
you know what it is to love me
the way Christ loves his church—
I am the Ephesians 5:25—
to present me to my Father,
without stain or blemish,
only by His grace.

So, I will wait
to be found by you
and I won’t give myself
to every cubic zirconia— false gods
pretending to reflect the true image of the One
who paid the price for me,
His bride.

So, I will wait
for you
to find me—He found me—
And pursue me with the
relentless love,
reckless abandon,
reverent fear of the Lord—
the way only you—He—can.
But understand this:
you are not my Father,
so if God chooses,
in His sovereignty,
to have me love and serve Him
alone
I will wait on Him—
Yet I am never alone,
for He will never leave me, but you can;
for He will never abandon me, but you can.

And at least, death wouldn’t do us part.

He is the Reason for this Season

I can’t remember the actual date but what really started this whole blogging business is “Testimony Thursday”. I was just on instagram one day when the thought came to me, “Instead of #tbt, why not have testimonies?!” I thought it was an original idea… that was until I saw a page using the same phrase! I was a bit discouraged but I was happy because I knew that the idea came to me; I didn’t steal it from anyone haha.

Long story short, “God for everyday” came to my mind on Monday, actually, and I started thinking of creating a blog and/or website where I’ll be able to simply share the Gospel with the world!!!

I love Jesus! I love God! The gift of the Holy Spirit is amazing! The Bible is my best friend. I love the fact that