Waiting: Spoken (Written) Word

I told myself I’ll wait for you…
But innocence was stolen by “Uncle”,
ripped
from my tender heart.
So I gave up.
Stained.

Fast forward:
thought I had found you-
how foolish of me:
wasn’t it supposed to be reversed…
Thought his “love” was going
to cover the multitude of my sins-
but my sin became a burden too
heavy for him to bear.

So I bore myself to myself
and crashed under the weight
of my own burdened lust
that was laid up in my wicked heart-
my heart, too crushed to be revived
by fleeting moans and momentary pleasures.
Until
I saw His love crushed for me
on that wooden tree.
There, battered, was Christ,
broken for me,
under the burden of my sins.
Yet He rose again, victorious,
giving me a new slate,
burden free, without stain.

Fast forward:
I thought I had found you
again…
A baby in Christ, sipping on that milk,
I gave my old self reign,
even though I am new.
Flesh yielded to flesh,
forgetting that only He
can present me unstained
unto Himself,
but he chose to lie in sin with me,
presenting me unto himself,
unholy,
again
stained…

So I stained my heart
with hate and regret
and the shame became too
much for me
and I longed for grace
that will bring me back to Him
so I tried and I worked and I slaved
but could never really
get it right,
so I fled…
Until
Mercy found me,
crashed into me,
I was ruined,
blinded.
He showed me my end, without you,
without Him.
He removed the scales
from my eyes so I could see
the wrong in what
I thought was right!

So here I am.
With this new light in my eyes,
the clean heart inside of me
I am telling you, husband,
even though I do not know you,
I will wait for you.
I will wait to be found by you.
You are the one God made me
for and from— the man made from
the second Adam,
presented holy, to present me holy to Him.
You have the perfect combination
given only by Him who kept me, hidden,
from me, for you,
to unlock the deepest crevices of my heart.
You know what it means to
love me with the love of Christ,
you know what it is to love me
the way Christ loves his church—
I am the Ephesians 5:25—
to present me to my Father,
without stain or blemish,
only by His grace.

So, I will wait
to be found by you
and I won’t give myself
to every cubic zirconia— false gods
pretending to reflect the true image of the One
who paid the price for me,
His bride.

So, I will wait
for you
to find me—He found me—
And pursue me with the
relentless love,
reckless abandon,
reverent fear of the Lord—
the way only you—He—can.
But understand this:
you are not my Father,
so if God chooses,
in His sovereignty,
to have me love and serve Him
alone
I will wait on Him—
Yet I am never alone,
for He will never leave me, but you can;
for He will never abandon me, but you can.

And at least, death wouldn’t do us part.

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A Letter

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4, NIV).

Dear Agents,

To everyone who has ever hurt me: thank you.

I hated you but now I appreciate you.

You tried to bury me and sell me, but you facilitated my move from prison to palace. You tried to cheat me and not give me what I had worked for, but you facilitated my change of heart so much so I fought with God and He changed my name. You tried to keep me captive but you only pushed my Father in Heaven to react on my behalf and bring me to my land of milk and honey. You tried to pursue me and kill me because of the glory of God in me but you just allowed God to mold me into the daughter after His own heart, forever adoring and singing praises to His name. You tried to break my heart and pursue others while I waited for you, devoted to you, but you only allowed God to work in me and show me how to love unconditionally, how to work for something you love, mirroring Him in this world, molding me to become the woman clothed in Proverbs 31.

You tried to drown me but God came to my rescue. You tried to kill me but I am alive in Christ. You tried to bury my spirit but now the Holy Spirit resides in me. You tried to blind me but God removed the scales and gave me new sight and vision. You tried to get rid of me, tried to finish me off with loneliness but God met me and gave me this divine revelation: you are just facilitator to my destiny.

I am still standing, stronger only because of Him, wiser because He gives me wisdom, loving because He has loved me through it all. I just hope one day you will taste and see that the Lord is good and you will appreciate Him even for your suffering.

Thank you! I am knowing Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering; I am becoming more like my Father, which is my goal.

Thank you!

Sincerely,
The seed you tried to bury