“The Lord said to Samuel, ‘How long will you mourn for Saul…’ ” (1st Samuel 16:1, NIV)
Rejection? I know it. I think a lot of us have been rejected at least once in our lives; some people deal with it better than others. As for me, I hate it, but by God’s grace I’m learning to pick myself back up and keep moving on in the strength of God. Still, rejection sucks, especially on the romantic end of things.
I have had my own share of rejection when it comes to guys. I have had one relationship– the other one that I would’ve considered a relationship, the guy at the end of the day said there was never a relationship (that’s another topic for another time). Neither of them chose me. It hurt. When something like that happens it messes with you. How can someone who made grand promises of love and affection one day turn around and act as if you never mattered? What’s worse? You see him with another girl, showing affection to her, displaying her to the world, and you think to yourself, “He never did that with me.” Then you start thinking bad about yourself, you go to this place of depression and you tell yourself these lies from the pits of hell! Before you know it you’re crying, perhaps even bawling. You go to God in prayer and ask what is wrong with you as a woman; is it that you’re unlovable or that you didn’t love enough or perhaps you loved too much… I am obviously talking about myself. But this was my reality for a while. I was thinking: What was it about me that he didn’t find worthy enough to cherish? Why didn’t he choose me? Why didn’t he wait for me?
We can think about these things from now till Kingdom come, but at the end of the day, we can’t really control how people act towards us; we can only control how we react and respond. So, how do you respond to rejection? How do you deal with the fact that the guy (or woman, for the men) you thought loved you (and that is not to say he or she never loved or liked you) left and never looked back? The answer I have for you, my friend, is: how long will you mourn?
Sometimes I wish the Bible was blatant in giving us tips on how to get over an ex. Unfortunately, dating is not mentioned in the Bible, which means we have to search for what is appropriate to our situation– trust me, the answer is always there. When I was in the process of getting over my ex– when I finally allowed God to be with me in the process– Psalm 34:18 was my best friend, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV). I had hope but I was still mourning. Four years later (yes, it took me that long to completely get over him, unfortunately), 1st Samuel 16:1 caught my attention and it dawned on me: if he is the one for me he wouldn’t have walked out. Now, I get it, some may say that’s just the single girl’s way of consoling herself, or that I’m somehow bitter that he’s moved on… but when Samuel was mourning that Saul had been rejected as king over Israel (1st Samuel 15), God had to snap Samuel out of it. Samuel listened and Israel had the best king, King David. After four years of mourning and seeing my ex with another woman– and even with the most recent guy, after months of praying and waiting on God for him and then seeing him brush me off– God snapped me out of it and asked me, “Queen, how long will you mourn for them?”
This is not to say that I somehow felt less rejected immediately. No, the hurt was still there. When Saul was rejected Samuel told him, “the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him…” (1st Samuel 13:14, NIV). I am consoled by the fact that a man after God’s own heart has been chosen for me, by God Himself, to lead me, our children, our family, and our ministry in the fear of God. That makes me happy.
At the end of the day, the road may be long and annoying, but the best is coming for me. How long will you mourn, my friend? God has chosen someone for you; He handpicked someone for you. Please let that sink in.
Stop mourning. Start moving forward. Start obeying. Start living again!